is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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