Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
Randomize
