I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
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