he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
Randomize
