Don't you send me to vm
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
My butt remains clenched, sir.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
Randomize
