He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
