a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
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