Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
Congratulations! We have a period
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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