We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
She tied me up with her honor cords...
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
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