a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Randomize
