so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
