Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
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