I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Randomize
