Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
