You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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