Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
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