If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
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