too bad you live with your parents still
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
Randomize
