there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
now i know why i became what i already was.
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
She needs sedatives and a leash
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Randomize
