it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
