Who wears a wallet chain?!
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
Randomize
