Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
my poor anus
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
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