After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
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