I cockslap morals
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
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