When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
Randomize
