i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
That's how pantless uber rides happen
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
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