my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
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