when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
Randomize
