well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
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