Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
