In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
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