idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
