In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
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