I didn't shave. On purpose
College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
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