I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
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