I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Randomize
