Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
Randomize
