I think I died a long time ago.
SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Randomize
