that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
Randomize
