Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
My liver just had a heart attack.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
