So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Randomize
