loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
