Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Randomize
