I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
Randomize