Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
Randomize
