He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize