She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
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