pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
I pour the whiskey from now on
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
