Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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