My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
Randomize
