drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
We had sex on a dog bed..
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
