I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
Randomize
