She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
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