A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
