My friends, they love my intelligence
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Randomize
