AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
