That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize
