You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize