I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
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