I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Randomize