It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
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