So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
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