I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Randomize
