In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
Congratulations! We have a period
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Randomize
