White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
Sext me about skeletons
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
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