Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
Randomize
