Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
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