I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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