here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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