i just had sex bonerless
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
Randomize
