Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
