thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
Randomize
