I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
Randomize
