You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
Life without a bra equals bliss.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
