Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
