the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
Randomize
