imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
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