You just made me feel so damn special
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
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