I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
I seem to have left my pride at pride
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
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