it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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