i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
Randomize
