she sounds like chewbacca in bed
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Randomize
