I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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