I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
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