; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
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