I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
Randomize
