Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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