I'd wear matching sweaters with you
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Randomize