yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
Randomize
