Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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