i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
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