have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
