Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
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