True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
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