I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
Randomize
