When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Randomize
