He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
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