no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Randomize
