I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
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