barbara walters just said penis...
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
Randomize
