Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
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