I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
Well I just put wine in my tea
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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