What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
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