so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
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