i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
Randomize
