Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize