I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
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