You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
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